These thoughts… written about a year ago and reposted just recently and now again… with new meaning as we experience an incredible void in our lives…
One week ago, my husband’s oldest brother fell asleep out on a drillship in the Gulf of Mexico, never to wake again in this life. It is a loss that hurts deep.
And my fear has become a reality for another wife out there. A wife I know and love – a member of my family. Her tears are forever etched upon my heart. Because her husband did not return.
And the grief is great.
Yet in this yawning emptiness, one thought I fix my mind upon: this man who earnestly sought Jesus in the last months of his life awoke in the very presence of the Lord. No pain. Just glory.
It is the thought I cling to as I once again let go… and say goodbye… to my husband as he returns to a drillship off the coast of Brazil.
Lord, please keep him safe. Let him return to me whole and unharmed. But regardless, I trust You.
You gals who can, hug your husband tight.
Struggles within. Struggles without.
Worries overwhelm. Concerns loom.
The days grow long.
This wild child Selfishness runs rampant in my heart. In our home.
I say goodbye, never knowing if it is the last time I will see him.
Never knowing if this will be the last phone call I will receive.
Will this be my last chance to tell him I love you – that man I love so deeply?
Half of me is gone while he is away.
This process of letting go can drain me of all my strength.
The truth is, the school work, the housework – it all pales in comparison.
Do we even keep going? And how do I keep going? My own laziness surfaces. And resurfaces. Again and again.
I simply long for my husband’s return.
And I’m driven to seek God’s goodness in my life…
In these moments I draw closer to God, even though I feel farther away. He has given so much, and yet I want more. And despite my utter failing, His unfailing love proclaims itself to me in the woods, in the trickling waters, in the moss-laden rocks, in the rippled reflections of the pond, in the three precious blessings He has bestowed upon me. And He shows me once again that He will fill my empty spaces, those places that feel vacant and void when I am raising three boys on my own, when my heart is stretched halfway across the world.
God’s promises prevail.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10
To listen to this scripture memory verse song from Seeds Family Worship, visit http://www.seedsfamilyworship.com/store/music. Select the Seeds of Courage album and scroll down to #12 “Do Not Fear.”